Yeah so, I’m walking my dog, Petey, and he takes a powerfully noxious shit on Luquer Street right in front of my friends’ place, Matt & Hilly. I bend down and strap a bag over my hand so I can gingerly pince up his well formed nugglets, and as I do, I notice in the street 2 ties laying among the autumn leaves. Kinda nice, but you know, in the city (and Brooklyn) you see clothes strewn about all the time. Don’t know where it comes from. There used to be a charity clothing drop box a half a block away. It has been gone for years now, but people still leave bags where it used to be. Like they drove there, didn’t find the box, but thought, “What the fuck. This is as far as I’m going. I did my fucking part for the poors or the ethnics or whoever the fuck takes my old underwear.” (I am just assuming they are white male pricks…). I leave the ties where they lay.

Next day same scenario. Petey pinches one off in front of his current favourite (affected fake English spelling) tree, I bend over, cradle the poo in my bebagged hand and scoop it away quickly slipping a single loop knot around the end to trap the smell of Petey organic dog chow. As I straighten up I see the ties. Some kindly person has hung them over the wrought iron fence of Saint Mary Star of the Sea’s meeting house around the corner from the big old 1856 pile of Jesus nonsense that about 30 people still bother going to. Now that they are out of the street I deign to notice them for real. Wow, they are pretty cool actually. I won’t bother describing them to you - it’s pointless, but I have good taste within a certain outlook, and these were 2 nice ties. One nicer, thinner and more stylish than the other which is a pretty standard business man’s dark red deal - you know made for dark suits and blue or white shirts, easy.

So I pick them up. Silk, Thick. Rather amazingly well made ties. Then I flip them over. Hermés. Ok, so I get why they are so nice. These things cost $400 bucks! You can get them discounted a year after they are out for $150 most places, but that is still a shitload of money for a fucking tie. So, of course, being a style whore and a label conscious dick, I take them. I surmise they probably slipped out of some rich white guy’s dry cleaning. But they hung there for 2-3 days, and no one bothered with them. So I will probably be walking down the street tonight wearing the nicer of the 2 ties, and walk past the trader guy whose tie this was. It could be awkward if he actually says anything. Probably wouldn’t, but If he does, and he doesn’t live in the new “million dollar condominium lofts” that just went up last year or so (which were actually more than a million dollars, considerably more…) I’d give them back. Maybe. Even though I look way better in this tie than any other prick in Carroll Gardens.