All right that title is a bit melodramatic and shit, but… I find I don’t much care about a lot of things anymore. I am short with my ideas and time. I am unobservant with art and culture. I am looking for escape far too often. I am reluctant to engage in the general day-to-day of the world. There are too many details that are of other people’s making and I am tired of dealing with other people right now. It bothers me, but I have less time now to do things and to do nothing; to write, to blog, to create music, to draw…It sounds like I am a creative. Sadly, for me, I am not. I am wonderfully able to redesign many other people’s ideas into something generally coherent for people who don’t really like to pay attention. This is also a succinct description of my job, and I fear this path of least resistance has also become my modus operandi in much of the rest of my life.

Before you call my wife and tell her to remove all the sharp object from the house (which we did anyways for our 21 month old) - this is not a sad statement. It is a mere statement of fact. It is a call to arms of sorts as well. It means I should find a new job, and start doing some shit. I know this. We all know this, but we get tired, we get older, we become comfortable and we stagnate. We work so hard to make ourselves comfortable and secure, and when it happens we over indulge and slow down. It requires work and attention to detail and a lack of adequate sleep to start in again on the many things we really want once they have slipped just out of our reach, but are still within or view. Reality doesn’t depress me - it just makes me sad. I don’t think I actually get depressed. I’m too vain and self-important for that kind of shit, but I am affected by this world - as much as I try not to be.

2010. Less politics. I know it is more important than ever (or so my many email blasts from Bill and Al and Mr. Carvel and other assorted elected officials and not-for-profit lefties tell me about 30 times a day) to be involved and vigilant, but it just makes me hate everyone. And I think it makes me bitter. I tend toward bitterness anyway so I need to watch that. More Music and shit. This stuff makes me happy, but I find it is not easy any longer. I have plateaued out on my minimal amounts of musicality. Now I need to work at it to get to the next level. (Just like Mario Brothers and Ninja Guiden.) I need to try and get what I want out of my many computer parts and assorted keyboards and hardware, rather than end up with what I get. I need to be nicer. Especially to Patcha. She is really wonderful and utterly cute, and so amazingly alive and beautiful. I am a fool to overlook it. We have Markus; and really - life is so good right now. And also nicer to my family. They love the shit out of me and my family. I need to reciprocate much better. Less work. I mean more “artistic” work, but less work work. It just ain’t worth it. What else? Whatever. Can’t think anymore, but things are feeling pretty good. I am going to see Au Revoir Simone tonight, so things really are all-fucking-right. Chill out and go do some little thing you want to do, not that, not again, but a useful thing that will make you feel good and doesn’t include touching your bathing suit areas, buying some more shit or going to see Avatar.